CaNt SLeeP...THinkiNG..

Here is something i wrote while waiting to do a role play...

Thinking far, it a good habit to have, even if its my flaw. 2 try 2 find, a place 2 fit myself, always impossible, may never happen at all. Dunt noe if im being unrealistic, if yes, why am i thinking with worry and sadness?.........

any way....

2day lesson starts with getting everyone in class to share their number of experience in nursing and what made them choose to be a nurse in the first place.....the longest is 27 years and shortest is 2 years.....my "marriage" to nursing has been 11 years n so far i dunt have the inkling to ask for any "divorce" yet...to date, i have been tendering It with lots of love and tears...my responsibilities are "solid"...now dat im planning to progress on to a new role....alot of changes and sacrifices i have to make along the way.....but am i ready???? will my "marriage" which i have put my sweat in, will be protesting???? even if an opportunity is knocking on the door, asking to be accommodated in Now as the fear of being a "memory" will happen if cannot merged "ritely".. i seriously wan to do the rite thing but den, doing the wrong ones seems to be the rite decision......

Patience differs in individuals, mine is of no exception too

ANger and ME

i just deleted a posted entry because it was written in so much anger and frustration...i even rattle about wanting to hit on the library PC for being far too slow and an inkling to start a nasty conversation with an innocent young man, who was sitting beside me, making strange "noises" dat was too much for me to bear.......so much of anger in a petite me...accumulation, wat can i say...i kinda "lost" it today...there wasnt anything physical for me to lash on and i cant be screaming my hearts out because i was at a public place....it was almost similar amount of anger that had me lashed on someone close, many years ago......my anger was so bad dat i regrettably pulled the hair and set the tea flying......i was so lucky that i didnt get a BAD physical counter-act...n i suppose i wouldn't have cared if there was....but the act was witness by 3 others who were as shocked as me!!!!!! i dunt want to dwell on dat too much because there are issues that i still have not resolve with myself....let me continue to jog "away", too much of hurt........so 2day, the conflicting of opinions, with not much of understanding from the other party, pressed very much on my anger pressure points.....not able to accommodate my views on a matter of safety......i suppose there are other reasons dat im not aware off..........watever-lah.........i had my 2 packets of durians, i have 2 more........ :)

Poses!!!!!!!!!

Today was THE Make-Over session i arranged for my galfrens n me....... it was a good reason for a "perk-me up" day for the 3 of us who have had some emotionally tiring days/weeks before...mind u, i recently "grew" 2 pimples on 2 different days for 2 different reasons....so i kindda highlighted "them" to the make-up cum hair-stylist person to do some cover-ups...make-up foundations and eye-liner thingy, do have its POWER!!!!!!....chose the group session den individual because i was thinking dat with group picture taking, our different personality can be capture easily....And it DID.......i love the CANDID SHOTS, they r the BESt!!!!!!!!!!..we became comfortable soon after...n did our self-directed POSES!!!!!!!!!! it was HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!! kudos for the photographers....we were shock dat one of the Photographer's wife worked in NUH OT.....MISI IRIS, we noe where ur Hubby work!!!!!!!!!!!!!....Then as expected,we had some problems in choosing 12 Poses from the lovely 90+ poses...................and YES, christine, there was a Fan blowing at us, some point in the shots for better "WIND_Blowing" effect........but it was switched off due to the Cold drift......we need to wait for 2 wks for the printed outs and the CD......i still have the fake eye-lashes with me..shall keep them safe....im amazed at how we look with make-up.....

SAlaLAH...

i have a close friend who is constantly battling within herself with her love-life decisions...there are so many moments that she wan to "throw in the towel"............2day and few days after will be exceptionally hard on her because her "other half" will be driving off to a place without her.....a place that she plan to go with him initially.....miskin......but seriously, how to have a tiny bite of a cake wen u cant and wont seems to have a chance to taste the cake in the first place as the cake was baked by someone else.................found dis poem in the web, seems true to wat she been feeling, constantly..............dunt cry crabby....

Do you know a secret ? I write you letters every day. But you know that I can't post them, I wish there was another way. You are so close, but yet so very, very far, because there is a chasm between us, you can't just drive there in a car. So now I'm the "other woman", stuck at home while you go out, left wondering what the hell, what is this all about ? You know I love you madly, and I believe you love me too, but this is so very hard, do you know what I'm going through ? I lay alone and awake at night, thinking of you lying there with your wife, it is then I wish it was different, it is then that I wish for a different life. And then I dream about us together, as I finally drift off to sleep, and in that dream we don't make promises, that we don't think that we can keep.............................

Sunday, the 13-7- 2008

" to my better half "....isnt dat wat most of us, both single and some married souls, are searching for.....be it around a corner or under a pebble....the next guy or gal dat one wen on a date with, may not need to be in almost similar "measurement" as the previous failed ones....i met someone today whose smiles and endearing glances to my galfren, make me laugh with tears in my eyes...it is dat simple yet meaningful body-language dat EVERYONE need to receive....this reminded me of a simple act by a husband whose wife was adamant not to take her medication..seeing dat she was getting more worked-up, the husband kissed her gently on her forehead...she calm down immediately....my heart cried..........earlier today, someone's 2 mins plea for a longer conversation had to be spoiled with an acknowledgment of someone into the conversation........it hurts to hear the constant and silent reminder of where she is.................happy 31 birthday to me......

"HOme ALone"

i did something today dat i wasnt proud off...i used a delifrance paper bag, crush it up on the phone receiver to make a noisy effect..i did it because i didnt wan to hear anymore to wat the person on the other line have to say...wen the person thought that the line was breaking-up, it was my cue to stop the conversation..(so it does work!!) im very aware that dis person would find me and wan to explain further..which she did, 2 hours later..through-out the one-sided "yakking', i was thinking of educating her of the rite choice of coloured contact lenses that best suit her..which is BLACK!!... im not surprise if there are others who ever did or have thoughts of doing, dis kind of "stunt" or "prank" on her.....I guess i need to watch "HOME ALONE" movies again for more inspiration.......